It had seemed like such a good idea, after 37 days of tears by myself in Charlotte.
The families of the hostages had been on every network begging us to help, and aside from writing furiously on facebook, processing my emotions, going over Israel's history, explaining and explaining and explaining, I felt like I was bleeding out for Mark Zuckerberg and not getting anywhere - or any better.
It only took a few days post October 7th for me to think, "Do I need to go to Israel to have a conversation?" But even I thought this was completely insane - never mind impossible - and so did my Jewish friends in North America and people I was reconnecting with in Israel.
But then I saw a survivor of the Nova Music Festival tell his story on the news, which included his doing so on US college campuses - in the height of their erupting in pro-Hamas BS and denial of the atrocities in Israel.
The opinions of people his age literally denying the massacre in Israel even happened didn't seem to get to him. "I don't make it political or talk about the history. I'm just telling what happened to me. I'm just telling the truth." Could I figure out a way to tell the stories from Israel but not on social media?
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I landed in Israel on November 16th, and as this website was quickly thrown together, I walked to Hostage Square for the first time.
(Please note: Israel never had a place called Hostage Square. It's a museum area - think Lincoln Center in NYC - or any other swanky plaza - that has become an homage to 240 missing human beings, from 9 months old to 86, and a place to support their families).
It was the second night of the five-day ceasefire and hostage deal we had, getting back 13 women and children a night, and the names of who would be released that night was to be read. There was therefore some happiness that night, despite the angst of a very long delay by Hamas to (imagine this?) - torture the families and Israeli society.
I had already decided to tell the stories of the men - the young men being held in captivity. This was because in the middle of the joy of finally seeing some hostages returned, murmurs had begun that any future deal would still be women and children, then the men over 70...what about the young men?
-- Hopefully most of us haven't been emotionally involved in the slaughter of thousands in our country and the kidnapping of hundreds in our lifetime, but "when this happens," and there are posters all over the country of 240 faces, certain people start to stand out to you. I know that might sound odd, but one picture might remind you of an ex-boyfriend or a cousin, or you will hear a family member talking about them on TV and now know a detail - that for your own set of life experiences, brings this person to life.
Like little Emily Hand who the world got to know, after her Irish Dad cried with relief to learn of her "death" - as the thought of her being held by terrorists was a worse option to him - only to learn weeks later that she was a hostage in Gaza after all. Her return to him was definitely an international sigh of relief, and for me there was also 12-year-old Erez Kalderon, taken with his teenage sister and their father. I heard his mother describe his sensitivity, and how he was prone to panic attacks - in his normal everyday childhood. Understanding panic, I panicked for little Erez, who wasn't in the groups of returned hostages until the last day. So, in the case of the men, I found myself particularly drawn to a poster of Itay Svirsky, 38, so on this first night of mine in Hostage Square, as I shyly walked around nervous to actually see the families and terrified of what to say and in what language to say it in, I practically crashed into about 20 people, all holding up signs of Itay.
"Shalom..." I stated awkwardly, to a woman in her 60s. "At ha mishpachah shel Itay?" (Are you Itay's family?)
Yes, she was his aunt, so I started to explain in my broken Hebrew, not used in eleven years, that I had just arrived to write stories of the men and their families. I asked her if he lived on the Kibbutz, and she said no - he lives in Tel Aviv, but went there to visit his parents for the holiday weekend when the attack happened.
Both his parents were murdered, and he was taken hostage. I gasped, and asked if...she knew if he knew that? She replied that she believes he watched his mom get killed, but may not know about his dad.
Let me stop there - because I am hoping that for anyone reading this "story," that it just became real. If it didn't though, that's okay too, because it would take me another month - until two weeks ago exactly - to finally grasp just how real this all is.
This man Itay, who lives in a modern city in Israel by the sea, comparable to Miami or Rio or any other cosmopolitan sophisticated city with well-dressed women and dance clubs and overflowing cafes and markets and an amazing beach...this young single guy, who his aunt said taught "something like mindfulness" - went to his parents' home for a long weekend - and not only got transported by psychotic terrorist thugs to Gaza - but had just witnessed at least one murder of a family member.
It is too much to bear, though I hadn't hit that wall yet, and so I stood there with his aunt, my eyes locked on the poster of him she was holding, until I started twisting back and forth, gripping my backpack straps, as I felt myself blush.
"He is very handsome," I said out loud, and before I could yell at myself for being so incredibly immature and inappropriate, his aunt's face exploded into a beautiful smile. "Yes, he is," she said proudly, and that ended our conversation on a more relaxed note, after which I wondered if I'd needed her official permission to write about him, so I turned around and began talking to a dad and two uncles of another young man taken hostage, Or Levy, age 33, whose family I did interview at a later date - so let me stop here again...
Because it was the interview that did happen with Or's brother Michael Levy - it was this first official "interview with a hostage family," that actually stopped me from writing for the past two weeks, and it wasn't because the story I was told specifically traumatized me because I had known most of the details before the interview. It was because it became clear that this task I had taken on was no longer clear. I could not keep writing easily and repeating the horrors of the October 7th attack and its impact on Israeli society, hoping for people abroad to care - as I was now dealing with the hostages' family members, who are not only stuck in this hell for now 102 days, but needing to find ways to explain missing people to their children and needing to put one foot in front of the other - whatever I write needs to not impede their ability to do that.
This "good idea" was suddenly a close-up of raw suffering, and I had made myself a part of it, put myself into the darkest corner of the nightmare, to live with fear of what every newscast would bring and worry about their thoughts and reactions to things, not just my own. I went from 100 miles an hour to slamming on the brakes, needing to stop to breathe, but feeling like I couldn't, feeling such guilt as the brother of a hostage had let me into his real-life emergency - and now I was frozen.
-- A few weeks after meeting Itay's aunt in the square, I saw his sister on i24 news, the English channel, and learned even more about his family. His grandmother Aviva, 97 years old, also lives on the kibbutz and was there that day. When the terrorists barged into her home, she didn't panic. She calmly said something like "Let's have a visit." Whether she was strategizing at age 97, naturally this relaxed, or confused - is beyond me - but that is what she did, and so did a few other survivors. Eventually, she was in her safe room with a Thai lady that worked as her caretaker, and this Thai worker would not survive the day. At some point, as her kibbutz was exploding in gunfire and screams and burning down, she thought "I think I should go," and so she walked out her front door, without her walker, through a scene of epic chaos and shooting, got picked up by a random car, and driven to Tel Aviv. And I watched her on TV, tough as nails, sitting with her granddaughter Merav, Itay's sister...talking about her late child and partner, and her kidnapped grandson Itay in Gaza.
The next scene showed her and Merav walking in Hostage Square. Aviva pushed her walker with Itay's picture taped to it, and she was finally crying.
--
Two weeks ago, I approached a woman in the square holding his picture, and asked if her name was Merav. She said it was, so I launched into my introduction, when she said she was just holding his picture. (Many in the square are there to support the families, so it wasn't Itay's sister, the Merav I was looking for, which was a very strange coincidence.).
An hour later, a young man was holding up a large banner with Itay's picture. I asked if he was family. "No, but a good friend." "Itay ba lev sheli," I told him. (Itay is in my heart). We talked for quite awhile, and he was happy I wanted to write about him and said he could ask Merav, but that she had lost so much...he also told me it was not "mindfulness" that Itay taught, but a technique or martial art, unique to Israel. He then introduced me to Merav's husband Dan, but I could finally tell from these men that the sister had way too much loss...so I decided at last to let my desire to write about Itay - this "handsome hostage,"- to let it go. Until fate had another idea.
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This part will be brief, as Hamas does not deserve a mention given what I am about to describe, but the terror group posted a video last night of three hostages, a woman named Noa - who was taken from the dance festival on the back of a motorbike, reaching for her boyfriend who was also taken (her Mom has stage four cancer and has been begging to see her daughter). The second was a man whose story I am not familiar with, and the third - was Itay Svirsky. Today Hamas posted their pictures again, and asked people to guess who they thought was dead, alive, or injured. I learned this while in the midst of endless conversations since Friday night about the toll this is taking on me, and seeking help to grow this Israeli body part I clearly lack - that allows people to be bombarded with rockets and terrifying news - and not break into pieces. Less than an hour later, a screenshot I didn't ask for showed Hamas answering this question they posed last night - and declaring that both men were dead.
"Okay - I cannot have things like this dropped on me," I typed in response to this screenshot, and I then tried to calm myself by remembering another death Hamas had announced, only for that lady to then be released, and I remembered Hamas announcing the death of all four Bibas family members (the redheaded family with 9-month-old Kfir and four-year-old Ariel). Their deaths were specifically not verified by the IDF, and everybody in Israel thinks they are alive. This is who Hamas is - this is their game. They lie. They lie. They lie. I reached out to an Israeli writer after this "news by terrorist organization," who is also writing about hostages, and although I have never met her, I sent her an audio and she actually called me. She said the IDF spokesman, Daniel Hagari, talked about this tonight in his nightly briefing and addressed these cruel Hamas videos. He said that there was proof of life of Noa (the woman), but that "there is a high chance the destinies of the men are not alive." They are investigating and will inform the families of every detail, and then the public. He also stated that the IDF did not hit the building holding the men with an airstrike, as Hamas is of course stating. I found this press briefing myself after the phone call and the way this sentence was translated on TV was that "there is high concern for the men."
I have seen announcements floating around "socials" about these men, so closed everything. Until the Israeli authorities announce things with 100% certainty, I will not share Hamas's brutal words as factual information, and since I am actually in Israel, conversing with these families for two months now, if I talk about a hostage, it will be in a piece dedicated to them and their families, and to what they have already gone through for 102 days and the ripple effects on all of their lives and their communities.
This piece is posted tonight in prayer for a miracle regarding Itay Svirsky's fate (and the second man whose family preferred he not be named) despite these rumors and fears. It is dedicated to his sister Merav and her husband and children. It is dedicated to the memory of both his and Merav's parents, and it is dedicated to Aviva - a 97-year-old woman grappling with so much loss of and fear for those she raised and loved into adulthood. And to Adam - Itay's friend - thank you for talking to me.
The past two weeks have been my toughest in Israel, searching for the "right way" to tell these stories, as the weight of the situation bears down on me, but I am not the one in captivity nor am I a family member so I will figure it out. I am supported by people I have met once or twice here - they are texting me to remind me of why I came here and encouraging me to push through this - because that is Israel. That is what we do, and we all know these stories need to be told, as excruciating as they are.
As my Air BNB host and now friend said to me today: "It isn't just you. We're all thinking and feeling all of these things - you just say it."
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UPDATE: Less than 24 hours after posting this article, it was confirmed that both men in the Hamas videos, including of course Itay Svirsky, were murdered by Hamas in captivity. It has taken me more than a week to write this update, as I just couldn't bring myself to extinguish the hope. I had the honor of attending his shiva on Monday night, met his cousin and friends, and finally met Merav, who has lost both her parents and now her brother, the "world's best" uncle. Please keep her deep in your hearts. I will never forget her eyes. May the memories of Itay Svirsky and the second brave gentleman, be a blessing.
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In case you want to help:
This is a labor of love and I feel called to do it, but admit it has started to cost a small fortune, between flights, rent at home, accommodation in Israel and the building of this website, which still needs work to maximize visibility. I have therefore started a GoFundMe in the hopes of getting a little bit of help to stay here another month or two to conduct these interviews with families of hostages and cover the war from the ground. Any donation, no matter how small, will go toward accommodation and bare bone travel expenses. Anything at all will be tremendously helpful and very much appreciated. With gratitude, Melanie #BRINGTHEMHOME #BRINGTHEMHOMENOW #AMISRAELCHAI #FREEGAZAFROMHAMAS
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